This is something that i posted in the glcc campus blog thought i'd put it here since i haven't been blogging..

hopefully it'd bless your heart as well.

Hi All

I didn't expect to be posting today either.. it is, perhaps, an apt time for my first post in the campus blog because of that deep sharing from Gail. I don't really know you Gail but your hope and feelings of desperation resonates deeply within me.

I have had nights of desperation and tears, mostly because of my desire for my parents to be saved. Yet, in the midst of all these tearful praying, there were questions and doubts of whether God was listening. In fact, if you knew my parents then, such was the hardened state of their heart, you would have agreed that nothing short of a miracle would have been needed. There were many times my parents seemed mighty close to listening, seemingly wavering and deliberating on God's existence, yet that "almost" was almost always interrupted by a sudden hardening of the heart. Those glimmers, nonetheless, kept me on my knees, but also often left me discouraged about whether the Lord will ever save them.

I was probably the first one in my family to dedicate my life to God. It was perhaps safe to say that my profession was not greeted with open arms in my family. Initially, the enmity that ensued only invoked a heightened sense of isolation within my own family. It almost seemed like my parents didn't know how else to respond except for a firm refussal to entertain the thought that I am a Christian. That firm stance, however, didn't last for long and upon observing that there was nothing drastically wrong with me fundamentally, they eventually came to terms with it and allowed me carry on with my worship of God, albeit obligingly. That was my first victory.

I started praying that my family would one day know the same joy and peace that I've come to be familiar with. The Lord heard me and my sisters soon came to know the Lord one by one. Yet, my doubts about the plausibility of my parents' salvation lingered. Surely, their hearts were too hard to be broken down after those years of toiling and hardship. Surely, the pressure of my idol worshipping extended family would be too heavy for my parents to bear. My doubts lingered.

However as I surrendered myself absolutely to God, I slowly learned about His magnanimity and mercy. The fact that He even bothered about me blew my mind. God was teaching me to trust Him, trust Him with all my heart. A trust that manifests itself in a HOPE in God; a Hope that He alone is in control; a Hope that things only happen only because He allowed it; a Hope that He cares; a Hope that He CAN and WILL ALWAYS bless us with goodness that is exceedingly and abundantly more than what I can hope for. This hope allowed me to be blind to the overbearing circumstances that my eyes see. I see God but was blind to what was unfolding before me, I could neither see those fury fanned by my profession nor the times when their actions make it seem like salvation was a impossibility. I didn't know what was happening or what was going to happen, but I knew I had to trust Him with all my heart, not on my own understanding. I hung on to His promise that as long as I seek Him first in my life, He will sort everything else out for me. Yes, even the biggest desire of my heart - our parents' salvation.

You know what? My mom got saved last year, serving faithfully with my sisters (and possibly know more pple in church than i do now). My dad comes to church every sunday and even decided to rid my house of the deplorable idols in my house. Can you imagine that? I couldn't. It was out of this world! Breathtaking! It was God working through and through. If only I knew it was that easy. As we are faithful and as we humble ourselves to fear Him, as we honor Him, He promises to sought out everything else for us. I didn't muster a foolproof plan, but caught a glimpse of God's masterplan. Nothing has been the same in my family since. Something supernatural happened. Blessed is our awesome God.

Although my dad has yet to come to know God, I will continue to pray for him and trust in God with all my heart. I know, and I'm absolutely certain that He will work everything out. Our part is to be faithful and prayerful. Nothing complicated nor overly intricate. Never was, never is, and never shall be. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto thee.

It's not easy to be away from your family. Especially when we are so far away from them and feel so lonely and helpless at times. I speak as I write from Manhattan, New York City. The Lord knows our struggles and the times when we fall. We can only remain faithful and trust with all our heart that God will work things out some how some way. Saturate our minds with His word and promises today. Indeed, in Christ alone, is where our HOPE is found.

Pray and believe Gail. Am praying for you. Be strong and of good courage!

Eric (I hope to see y'all soon) Khaw