ok i know i haven't been posting.. this semester has been rather crazy.. but school is history now. I wonder what God has planned for me now. I haven't been totally slacking with my posting though, i have a piece about fear in our lives, which has remained a draft a few months now! okok. i'll definitely work on it. in the mean time, below is my last ever academic paper in college. Yes, it is about football. what else could it have been anyway? haha... hmm... ok i can bore everyone with my financial econometrics thesis!

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Final Paper: Victorian Football: The False Dawn of Saving Porphyria’s Lover

In the early nineteenth century Britain, there was a clear delineation between the social classes: namely the upper, middle, and working class. Such societal strictures are clearly depicted (and criticized) in poems we have read in class, such as Alfred Tennyson’s “Porphyria’s Lover”, where a pair of lovers are denied a relationship because of the difference in their social classes. The poem takes on a tragic and poignant turn when Porphyria’s lover, who wanted her so badly, ends up killing Porphyria so that they could be together forever. Interactions between classes were explicitly forbidden given the conflict between the classes.

While the aristocrats in the upper class dominated the politics, the Victorian Period saw the increasingly wealthy middle class make political advances of their own, such as the Reform Act in 1832 (Cody, 1). The vicious cycle for the poor working class continued, as skilled artisans and factory operatives became not only deprived of their political franchise, but also somewhat repressed and exploited in the local market place. Through her book, “Mary Barton”, Elizabeth Gaskell gives an account of the working-class men in Manchester suffering in “poorly run mills”, and paid only a “weekly drain of wages… useless in the present state of the market”? (Gaskell 52). Thus, the marginalized working class united together in their common interest to champion their goals of class equality. In his book, “Making of the English Working Class”, Thompson remarks that the working class “acquired a peculiar resonance in English life” as “everything, from their schools to their shops, their chapels to their amusements, had turned into a battle-ground of class” (Thompson 831).

Naturally, such a battle between the social classes would extend to the sports scene. In Victorian times, the sporting experience was very much a reflection, and to a certain extent, a product of a vile social stratification ideology entrenched in the society. Similar to how Porphyria’s family disdained her lover of a lower social class, the Victorian upper and middle classes wanted nothing to do with the working class, in both business and social settings. For instance, the wealthy not only shelled out exorbitant fees of ten shillings a week (when an average agriculture worker would earn 11 to 15 shillings a week) to play sports like golf, but also restricted yachting and polo participation strictly for the wealthy par excellence (Griffin 619). Even for the middle class, sports remained a relative luxury in the beginning of the nineteenth century when their new found wealth enabled them to take up sports and games (Huggin 31). The working class, on the other hand, was almost never involved in sports for three quarters of the century. The stark reality was that they were worked so hard they scarcely had leisure time to play sports. Sports was a privilege restricted to the wealthy, and a clear representation of Victorian social stratification

During the late nineteenth century, the rise of football’s appeal to mass audiences, regardless of their classes, posed promising potential to reconcile Victorian social stratification. Instead of accentuating social stratification, football fostered hope as that ray of light that could actually have the effect of purging societal discrimination. If social stratification was the reason for Porphyria’s death, then football, with its reconciling effect, could hypothetically have had the capability to save Porphyria. In light of sports’ rise to prominence in societies especially in the late nineteenth century Europe, this paper shall study how sports, in particular football, has failed to realize its potential of resolving societal discrimination in the Victorian society.

Football was only officially formalized as a sport by the establishment of the Football Association (The FA) in 1863. Before that, there was never quite an organized version of the game. Football was free for all; almost everybody who played did so with their own set of rules, which sometimes allowed handling and rough tackling, as well as condoning thuggish behavior like punching and gouging. Surprisingly, what started as a ‘refined’ sport only for the wealthy and privileged became associated with the rude and the barbaric. As mass football became perceived as rude and barbaric, it eventually culminated in the suppression of the sport for the early part of the nineteenth century, (Delves 89). However, with the formation of the Football Association, the handling and tackling aspect of the game were officially forced out of the game, and standardized rules to govern the game gradually gained popularity.

It is pertinent to note that the rules, which the Football Association issued, were actually an adaptation of regulations first set up at Cambridge University in 1848 (FIFA website). For the upper and middle class, one of the reasons for football’s blossoming popularity was in part due to a concerted effort by schools to promote a cult of athleticism. In the 1840s, while children in the working class were exploited as child laborers, children from the middle and upper class who attended private and public schools like Cambridge, Eton, Shrewsbury, Westminster, and Charterhouse were encouraged to embrace football as a sport (Walvin 96). Due to disciplinary problems and educational idealism, “athleticism”, for schools, “became a civilizing offensive, aiding Christianity and education in the character-conditioning and health of sometimes bad-behaved, brutal or brutalized pupils, and promoting school identity.” (Huggin 31) Indeed, football as a sport holds strong promise to address the aggression of problematic students as it legitimizes controlled confrontation and instills qualities like unselfishness, loyalty and team spirit. Strikingly, the budding football fever in the upper classes has its roots in the educational institutions.

The 1870 Education Act, which mandated that a school should be placed within the reach of every English child, led to more and more working-class children entering school, and thus, more and more becoming exposed to sports and football. Not only did these now-literate children get to play football as part of school activities, they also formed the new mass reading audience for the “newly burgeoned sports press”. (Bailey 130) Furthermore, because of the 1850 Factory Act, the traditional six-day work week for adult males was shortened to five and a half. (Hutchins 107) By 1870, most industrial workers in mines and factories had gained their half day off on Saturdays, and were spending the extra leisure time playing sports like football. Thus, the working class gained access to football.

One reason for the cross-class popularity of football is its easy accessibility. While involvement in sports like racing, golf and tennis require access to specialized centers such as the racing tracks, golf courses and tennis courts, which could be too costly for the average working class, one only requires a cheap ball (or in some case, waste material made into a shape of a ball) and a little space for a game of football. Furthermore, unlike cricket, football had a more aggressive edge that appealed to the angst of British men. In addition, football pits the skills of players to dribble and maneuver a ball against each other; one does not necessarily need to have the size and strength needed to play in more physical sports like Rugby. Thus, it is not surprising that football appealed to everyone. By the 1870s, a trend of football clubs established with a mix of upper class and working class input had emerged. While teams like Aston Villa and Bolton Wanderers originated from Christian organizations, other teams like Manchester United and Arsenal were made up of primarily of industrial workmen, the products of labor unions eager to be part of the new football craze. (Walvin 56)

The owners of industrial factories, who were themselves avid sports fans, also played a crucial role by allowing their workers to join the unions’ teams. Their argument was that “a healthier workforce with higher morale and sporting identity would be more productive and efficient, and counteract the temptations of drink, gambling and violence.” (Huggin 35) Once the workers had the support of their bosses, they were afforded more time to train for the club teams outside work. Football, in turn, became a respite from the monotony of working class industrial work, if only temporary. Workers increasingly looked forward to Saturday football games which added an element of spice to their otherwise dull life. This was especially true in many great industrial cities like Manchester and Liverpool. Ernest Ensor sums it up rather unsympathetically in his book “The Football Madness”,

“The astonishing increase in the numbers that play and watch others play (football) is largely due to the dull monotony of life in our large towns; it is the absolute necessity of some change, some interest outside the daily work which has long ceased to be interesting, that causes the huge crowds at the weekly football matches.” (Ensor 752)

Even for the upper classes, the physical aspects of football were perhaps also perceived as an antidote to sedentary urban life. Moreover, the upper classes had other vested interests. For the enterprising capitalists, the mass appeal of football provided more than simply sporting pleasure by presenting opportunities for significant profit and prestige. (Huggin 120) Many opportunistic businessmen, with the healthy returns from their industrial enterprises, recognized the lucrative capital gains that could be realized from charging at the gates of football grounds, and promptly invested heavily in football infrastructure. Given the concomitant growth in demand and supply for soccer, it is no surprise the pervasive culture of football developed at a frantic pace.

Notably, football in Victorian times was one of the few sports which had the potential to truly transcend social stratification in its appeal to all social classes. Unlike the exclusivity of golf and yachting, it possessed the charm to bring together all the social classes as a partisan crowd of football fans in their common interest for football. Regardless of one’s social class, football fashions the same imaginary realm that extends an outlet for an outflow of profuse emotions. Everyone who supported the same team wore the same scarves and team colors, sang the same team songs, and idolized the same football players. This was true of all football fans in all social classes and ages. Thus, Saturday afternoons entailed a ritualistic involvement which spawned a sense of belonging across the classes. (Fry 485) Indeed, the ability of football to integrate fans across social classes heralded a new era that promised hopes of breaking down erected social class walls.

The football pitch, especially for the working class, was a level playing field, unlike politics, commerce, higher education and other sectors. Notably, one does not need to belong to the upper or middle class to possess extraordinary football skills on the pitch, for the best footballers are the ones who spend the most time playing it. This level playing terms was epitomized by a Football Association Cup Final match in 1883, which placed the Old Etonians vis-à-vis the Blackburn Olympics. In contrast to the privileged backgrounds of the players from team Old Etonians, the Blackburn Olympics team included dental assistants, textile factory workers and weavers. To the delight of the working class crowd, the Blackburn Olympics took the game to penalties and beat the Old Etonians. (Walvin 74) The victory was more than a monumental win in a game of football. More importantly, it was a triumph that heightened the sense of self among the working class, and showed them that they were just as good, if not better, than the privileged class. Notably, the realization and desire to fight for meritocracy dawned upon the working class. When a snobbish captain of a football club refused to “recognize his men on a long railway journey (nor) speak to them” and “behaving as if he was a superior sort of being” en route to a football match, he was admonished by “The Athletic News” and reminded that “sports levels all classes”.(Mason 77). Football’s ideology of an egalitarian and meritocratic level playing field thus showed much promise of eroding the traditional notion of social stratification.

Unfortunately, the promises of a widely appreciated game of football obliterating the walls of social stratification cannot be farther from the truth. Instead of fighting the divisive energy of discriminatory class structures by working hard in other areas like commerce and politics, the working class simply focused on football, for this seemed to them their best chance of being rewarded. Thus, they turned “professional”. Huggin, in his book, “The Victorians and Sports”, defines the term “professional” as “(referring) to individuals of lower social status earning money from sport” (Huggin 52). To earn wages and prize money, working class players trained more seriously to raise their skill and fitness levels, trusting in the belief that the meritocratic promise of football would reward their efforts. Yet, Huggin laments: “Professionalism weakened work discipline, since professionals would give up their full time work and fail to develop useful work habits and skills.” (Huggin 58) In addition, there were also regular commentaries about working class children spending all their time playing football in the streets, rather than studying. While football, in Lancashire and Yorkshire, was “played in every street” on weekday afternoons and Saturday mornings (Thompson 68), “urchins” in the East End of London would be “kicking paper balls in the back alleys” (Sims 292). Consequently, football became the working class’ preeminent distraction as they lost their drive to tackle the bias world of social politics through work and education.

In addition, as the Victorian society became more fluid, and conventional markers of social division were eroded by rising income and flattening prices, social aspirants reacted by establishing clear lines of status hierarchy in the world of football. Therein, along with the term “professionals” which refers primarily to lower class sportsmen earning a living through sports, “amateur” was coined as a “synonym for an upper class patron or sporting enthusiast” (Huggin 52). The upper class, in response to the threat posed by “professionals”, began to distinguish themselves by a different set of moral values and attitudes. Emblematic of the “amateur” ideals, Sir Henry Newbolt, the famous poet of late Victorian sporting imperialism, argues that the playing of sports “was important for social and moral salvation, and should not be for actual or symbolic reward.” (Huggin 51) Juxtaposed next to the “art for art’s sake” movement of the late Victorian period, which champions the separation of art and moral, Newbolt was effectively advocating against a “play for play’s sake” movement in a sporting sense. The main theme of this sporting classification movement was naturally inclusion and exclusion.

By early 1879, the Old Harrovians, comprising of graduates from the Harrow School, were already charging that only “amateurs” should have the prerogative to contest for the FA Cup (Huggin 63). This led to Preston Football Club’s elimination from the FA Cup in 1884 for professionalism (Huggin 64). Although the FA was eventually pressured into embracing professional football due to monetary reasons in the form of gate money, the upper class’ intention to purge their sports of the working class was conspicuous (Huggin 65). Despite football’s egalitarianism ideology, there was a heightened sense of opposition to such a movement stoked by upper class social aspirants who jealously guarded their social position, thereby intensifying the class hostility.

Moreover, even though football fans of all social classes congregated on Saturday afternoons to support their teams, spectators from the upper and middle class would be seated in a separate enclosure from the working class. While the elite social classes were allocated seats at the grandstand, the working class had to stand in the terraces (Huggin 37). Not that they minded the terraces, for any decent working class football fan would gladly proclaim that nothing beats the atmosphere at the terraces. Such a separation only generated more tension and animosity between the two groups of fans. Often, fans were provoked by a combination of frustration and taunting from opposing fans which culminated in football related violence. Notably, middle class journalists were always quick to condemn the working class mobs as a “crowd of rough”, “unruly hobbledehoys”, or the “football mobocracy”. (Lewis 310)

Another salient point is that the elite classes were only too happy for the working class to remain consumed by their passion for football, as football became a convenient foil to dilute the working class’ political energies. Most of the working class had left their village for the urban life, only to find themselves alone in a new cold and impersonal urban jungle. Hence, the football craze helped distract the workers away from their loneliness and search for a sense of belonging. Their melancholic industrial working life contrasted sharply with the excitement and passion that football could bring to their life. Hence, to most working class football fans, football became their significant partner in life. Gareth Jones aptly describes: “like the pubs and music halls which thrived in the late nineteenth century, football was a personally satisfying diversion, a warm blanket covering the cold fact of political impotence.” (Jones 471) Thus, because of their consuming passion for football, the working class chose to remain oblivious to their glaring political feebleness. The lack of political ambitions in the working class eventually perpetuated the relative status quo of the Victorian social stratification.

In conclusion, football in the late Victorian period possessed a paradoxical ability to rise above social stratification in its appeal, and yet simultaneously underscore the chasm between social classes. While football’s mass appeal brought the classes together in a fervent partisanship hitherto reserved for life-and-death matters, however, its egalitarian ideology ultimately still failed to pierce the parapet of Victorian social stratification, fortified by the elites’ obdurate refusal to relinquish their privileged social position. Undoubtedly, the predominant belief against the notion of “play for play’s sake” hindered soccer players from embracing the egalitarian ideology and lifestyle offered by football, as epitomized by their refusal to reconcile the terms “professionals” and “amateurs”. Furthermore, the failure of football as a platform to transcend social stratification was also in part due to the working class’ disposition to mask away the repugnance of their industrial work life with the emotional ecstasy of football. Their repression by the elite industrialist remained a non issue as long as their appetite for excitement and aggression was satiated, via football.

Porphyria would still die as long as societies remain contented to passively rest in the stranglehold of social discrimination. However, in today’s context, social stratification seems like a relatively minor problem in most developed worlds. In my opinion, what have changed since Victorian times, are the increased flow of information and the idea of the freedom to excel. Professional footballers in the late Victorian period were only able to harness the egalitarian ideology of football to excel in a footballing sense. If only they had learned to extend the values of football to their pursuit of social and political equality, Britain might well have been free from the perils of social stratification by the end of the Victorian period. Because of the parochial perspective of football fans and football players alike, football missed its chance to be Porphyria’s messiah.






















Work Cited:
Bailey, Peter. Leisure and Class in Victorian England: Rational Recreation and the Contest for Control, 1830-85. Taylor & Francis, Inc, 2006.
Cody, David. Victorian Web: Social Class. Associate Professor of English, Hartwick College. http://www.victorianweb.org/history/Class.html
Delves, Anthony. Popular Recreation and Social Conflict in Derby, 1800-1850.
Ensor, Ernest. The Football Madness. Contemporary Review, 74, p 751-760
Fry, C. B. Football. Lawrence & Bullen - Suffolk Sporting Series, 1898.
Griffin, Emma. Popular Culture in Industrializing England. Historical Journal, 45, 2002.
Gaskell, Elizabeth. Mary Barton. Penguin Classics, 1997.
Huggin, Mike. The Victorian and Sport. Hambledon and London, 2004.
Hutchins, B. L. A History of Factory Legislation. Burt Franklin research & source works series, 612. History, economics & social science, 205.
Jones, Gareth Stedman. Working-class culture and working-class politics in London, 1870-1900: notes on the remaking of a working class. Cambridge University Press, 1984.
Lewis, R. W. Football Hooliganism in England before 1914: A Critique of the Dunning Thesis. International Journal of the History of Sport, 13, 1996.
Perkin, Harold. Teaching the Nations How to Play: Sport and Society in the British Empire and Commonwealth. International Journal of the History of Sport, 6, 1989.
Mason, Tony. Association Football and English Society, 1863-1915. Brighton: Harvester Press, 1980.
Mangan, J. A. Reformers, Sport, Modernizers: Middle Class Revolutionaries. London, Frank Cass, 2002.
Sims, George. Living London, vol. 2. Cassel and Company Ltd, 1906.
The Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA). www.fifa.com
The Football Association. The history of the Football Association. http://www.thefa.com/TheFA/TheOrganisation/Postings/2004/03/HISTORY_OF_THE_FA.htm
Thompson, Paul. The Edwardians: The Remaking of Bristish Society. Routledge, 2 edition, 2004.
Tranter, Neil. Sport, Economy, and Society in Britain, 1750-1914. Cambridge University Press.
Walvin, James. The People’s Game: A Social History of British Football. Allen Lane, London, 1975.

OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When He rolls up His sleeves
He ain't just puttin' on the ritz(our God is an awesome God)
There is thunder in His footsteps
And lightning in His fist(our God is an awesome God)
Well, the Lord wasn't joking
When He kicked 'em out of Eden
It wasn't for no reason that He shed his blood
His return is very close and so you better be believing
that our God is an awesome God
REFRAIN
Our God(our God) is an awesome God
He reigns(He reigns) from heaven above
With wisdom(with wisdom) pow'r and loveour God is an awesome God
And when the sky was starless in the void of the night (our God is an awesome God)
He spoke into the darkness and created the light(our God is an awesome God)
Judgment and wrath he poured out on to Sodom
Mercy and grace He gave us at the cross
I hope that we have not too quickly forgotten that
our God is an awesome God
Refrain x3
Our God is an awesome God
Our God is an awesome God
(Our God is an awesome God)
(Our God is an awesome God)

Hey peeps i finally got my fingers moving to start blogging again. good news is that for those who can't read japanese, いまにほんごがぜんぜんわからない！which roughly translates to my japanese has deteriorated to a state in which i completely cannot understand japanese anymore. haha

Well anyway, I'm back in freezing New York. Strange thing is I don't feel as depressed and sad as other times when i had to leave Singapore. I think it's mainly because I've been praying about it more and talking to a couple of people who have been a huge blessing to me. Particularly the chats at Sentosa and church sort of got me thinking about a lot.

I've actually been struggling to grapple with some truth that I've preached on and had head knowledge about. It would probably do me a whole lot of good to actually write it down and remind me for the rest of my time in Columbia. In all honesty, I have been asking God a lot of questions, not just lately, but a long while now. It seems that I haven't been enjoying my time in Columbia and New York all that much. For the longest of time, I have been asking God why He chose to pluck me out of fruitfulness in GLCC and throw me in this spiritual wilderness that is New York. I have been asking God to show me and tell me WHY..

I have been trying really really hard to reconcile the joy of serving the Lord and enjoying His fellowship with that of enduring trials. Being alone in a foreign land is in itself a tough task but here in New York, it brings the spiritual challenge to a whole new level. All along I have thought that maybe this is what God wants me to go through because He is preparing me for greater things that I'll have to endure. It probably still is, no doubt. The thing is I have reflected and can probably say that I have been mostly faithful in my walk all these time and I'll have these check boxes where I tick, whether I have done my QT faithfully, reading the word faithfully, serving...etc. All these boxes I could tick but when it came to the box where it says "do you have joy", I struggle to tick it. The fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. lacking one probably means only one thing - I am not fruitful? or worse, not filled with the Spirit? all pretty bad scenarios to imagine.

I have been asking the big question: "Lord, why do I not have JOY?" the subset of this big question would fundamentally be: "why am I here Lord?" I have preached in China about the immense joy Paul had when he was in prison. I even had long discussions with Ian about the difference between joy and happiness. Joy being that which is beyond circumstances and feelings whereas happiness is largely dependent on aforementioned. But I still couldn't really comprehend it at a practical level. I've shared with Ian perhaps I should not preach on it since I felt I didn't have joy but he insisted that i did. Praise the Lord i did. It sure gave me a lot to think about over the last semester.

However, the question of why no joy remained till before I came back. So many whys. Why suffering? Why struggling? Why no peace? Why was I chosen? Why me?? Why this why that... When I can't sleep I ask why and get frustrated. When I don't do well in school I ask why and get frustrated. When things don't happen the way i expect it to I ask why and get frustrated.

Was focusing my prayers especially on these question then along came proverbs 20.

Pro 20:24 A man's steps are from the LORD; how then can man understand his way?

It completely blew my mind. the verse came right after my prayers.. u can perhaps imagine the impact it had. I cried out desperately to God for a break-through and He answered. And I quote my lovely sis: "God is sovereign. we may not understand, but we can obey. He is the creator, so He has the right to do anything with it. just like how we've the right to do what we please with any sculpture we made and own."

Hey I knew that! but it never once come across my mind when I was questioning. I was demanding to know God's plans for me. And when he didn't answer immediately I grew frustrated and bitter that He wasn't answering. It was as if He heard all my prayers but chose to remain silent. I was clearly upset with God.

Pride, Eric, Pride. Who am I to demand to know God's will for me? Who am I to question God's sovereignty? Who? a lowly scumbag of a sinner like me? What was I thinking? Does He owe me anything? Was He obligated to die for me? Was He obligated to bless me when I've repeatedly grieved Him? No, no and no.

Then again, would a divine and sovereign God, who chose to humble himself and die for me, hold any blessings back from me? Would He short-change me? Would He be stingy with His blessings? again, i can only answer no. So what is wrong with you Eric?

I have asked God to direct my steps, lead me and progress me but when He does I question. Proverbs tells me that if the Lord directs my way, will I in my finite mind be able to fathom and understand my ways? Yep, probably not. Many times in our walk with God, we almost fail to revere Him, to worship His sovereignty, to acknowledge that His ways are above ours. What comfort to meditate on this and rejoice in this... What joy to know His ways are perfect... What peace I got out of it... God is indeed AWESOME! God works in mysterious ways. indeed James... If only we are obedient...

I thank God for my dear friend who got me started praying and thinking at Sentosa. And if you're thinking "yes yes, Christianity and its blind faith", I've got this for you: "you can perhaps keep your deplorable world and hang on to your fallible faith, Praise the Lord I worship an almighty God whose ways are perfect, whose ways are above my erranous ones!" I challenge you though, to seek God out and share this immense joy that embalms my life! Please ask me if I have joy the next time you see me. =)

This is something that i posted in the glcc campus blog thought i'd put it here since i haven't been blogging..

hopefully it'd bless your heart as well.

Hi All

I didn't expect to be posting today either.. it is, perhaps, an apt time for my first post in the campus blog because of that deep sharing from Gail. I don't really know you Gail but your hope and feelings of desperation resonates deeply within me.

I have had nights of desperation and tears, mostly because of my desire for my parents to be saved. Yet, in the midst of all these tearful praying, there were questions and doubts of whether God was listening. In fact, if you knew my parents then, such was the hardened state of their heart, you would have agreed that nothing short of a miracle would have been needed. There were many times my parents seemed mighty close to listening, seemingly wavering and deliberating on God's existence, yet that "almost" was almost always interrupted by a sudden hardening of the heart. Those glimmers, nonetheless, kept me on my knees, but also often left me discouraged about whether the Lord will ever save them.

I was probably the first one in my family to dedicate my life to God. It was perhaps safe to say that my profession was not greeted with open arms in my family. Initially, the enmity that ensued only invoked a heightened sense of isolation within my own family. It almost seemed like my parents didn't know how else to respond except for a firm refussal to entertain the thought that I am a Christian. That firm stance, however, didn't last for long and upon observing that there was nothing drastically wrong with me fundamentally, they eventually came to terms with it and allowed me carry on with my worship of God, albeit obligingly. That was my first victory.

I started praying that my family would one day know the same joy and peace that I've come to be familiar with. The Lord heard me and my sisters soon came to know the Lord one by one. Yet, my doubts about the plausibility of my parents' salvation lingered. Surely, their hearts were too hard to be broken down after those years of toiling and hardship. Surely, the pressure of my idol worshipping extended family would be too heavy for my parents to bear. My doubts lingered.

However as I surrendered myself absolutely to God, I slowly learned about His magnanimity and mercy. The fact that He even bothered about me blew my mind. God was teaching me to trust Him, trust Him with all my heart. A trust that manifests itself in a HOPE in God; a Hope that He alone is in control; a Hope that things only happen only because He allowed it; a Hope that He cares; a Hope that He CAN and WILL ALWAYS bless us with goodness that is exceedingly and abundantly more than what I can hope for. This hope allowed me to be blind to the overbearing circumstances that my eyes see. I see God but was blind to what was unfolding before me, I could neither see those fury fanned by my profession nor the times when their actions make it seem like salvation was a impossibility. I didn't know what was happening or what was going to happen, but I knew I had to trust Him with all my heart, not on my own understanding. I hung on to His promise that as long as I seek Him first in my life, He will sort everything else out for me. Yes, even the biggest desire of my heart - our parents' salvation.

You know what? My mom got saved last year, serving faithfully with my sisters (and possibly know more pple in church than i do now). My dad comes to church every sunday and even decided to rid my house of the deplorable idols in my house. Can you imagine that? I couldn't. It was out of this world! Breathtaking! It was God working through and through. If only I knew it was that easy. As we are faithful and as we humble ourselves to fear Him, as we honor Him, He promises to sought out everything else for us. I didn't muster a foolproof plan, but caught a glimpse of God's masterplan. Nothing has been the same in my family since. Something supernatural happened. Blessed is our awesome God.

Although my dad has yet to come to know God, I will continue to pray for him and trust in God with all my heart. I know, and I'm absolutely certain that He will work everything out. Our part is to be faithful and prayerful. Nothing complicated nor overly intricate. Never was, never is, and never shall be. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto thee.

It's not easy to be away from your family. Especially when we are so far away from them and feel so lonely and helpless at times. I speak as I write from Manhattan, New York City. The Lord knows our struggles and the times when we fall. We can only remain faithful and trust with all our heart that God will work things out some how some way. Saturate our minds with His word and promises today. Indeed, in Christ alone, is where our HOPE is found.

Pray and believe Gail. Am praying for you. Be strong and of good courage!

Eric (I hope to see y'all soon) Khaw

Blessings from Far-Far-Away Land

Come Fly with Me
“The earliest flight out is 9pm and that will be 200 bucks, thank you!” Wait a minute, you mean we have to wait 11 hours to fly out? That was the predicament Ian and I found ourselves in. We completely took things for granted that we’ll have a smooth ride into that land far far away, until God bumped us back into reality! “Wake up and prepare for battle” He says. It was a good wake up call for us to be on our knees already. God allowed it because that was His way of waking us up and giving us the time to fellowship and prepare for our messages. Praise the Lord for His mercy.

Up Close and Personal
Far-Far-Away turned out to be a very pleasant place – nicer than I envisioned it to be. A decent bed and proper amenities, albeit the lack of a bathroom. We ate what we were given and I have to admit I have no idea what I was eating most of the time. And naturally, coming from the land of the “EEEeeee”, we felt the compulsion to shower everyday, and so we found ourselves asking if we could shower every day at 5pm. Poor folks, they must be bewildered. “Why are these people showering every day?!” (you see right, bathing was an event, a once in a while thing for them) And when they brought us there, they were even more petrified. The 2 of us simply went into the shower for 5 mins and we’re done. The locals look at us like we’re mad. Everyone of them who goes to the public bath will spend a long time there enjoying the steam bath and getting massaged. But we were like, “Nope, no naked men touching us, thank you!” haha.

Ok so the culture part took a little while to get used to. But, trust me, they really have the gift of hospitality. I felt like I have lived there for a while. They do not have much but they give us their best. They bought breakfast for us and yet they secretly ate the leftovers from the day before. Amazing people. Praise the Lord for the Christian warmness that knitted us together like a big family.

Eh Ian, How to Say ah?
In the beginning was the Word… Ok, I meant when I preached the word in the language for the first time, I couldn’t even express myself. Then it dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, my command of the language is not anywhere near competent. I could not even complete one sentence without stuttering! And obviously, I could not pray in that language! It was truly embarrassing; without fail, every meal time someone will definitely invite me to give thanks for the food and every time Ian had to come to my rescue. (Trust me, their giving thanks is different from ours. Not only were they long but they ended with the Lord’s Prayer. All in that unfamiliar language!). And worse still, even my manuscript I had to trouble Annie n Meishan to translate for me simply because it took me too long a time to write in that language. Praise the Lord for these 2 sisters! And so, I decided to preach off the script because of my apprehension and my lack of confidence conversing in that unfamiliar language. Of cause Ian, being that encouraging man, told me about how other predecessors used by the Lord were like; and what their learning experience was like. That seemed to blot out my feelings of inadequacy for a little while.

Pastor, You Sure our Church is Not good Enough?
Yes, it is not. When Pastor first preached that our church has a lot of growing up to do, I could roughly see, though not entirely, where he was coming from, thinking that he could be reminding us to be humble. But when I saw the church in that Far-Far-Away land, I saw precisely which angle he was seeing it from. I was indeed humbled! What fervor! What love for the Lord! What passion for the gospel! We saw old men (of 70-80 yrs old) cycling 7-8km just to listen to young nobodies preach. We saw their hunger for the word of God. To think I myself cannot even sit there listening to the word of God for more than 2 hrs! It’s crazy! And they’re just digesting and copying down everything we preached. They’re like a huge sponge! Ok, not sponge bob, I meant their ability to soak in everything that we preached.

We saw their humility. As they warmed up, they were asking questions at every possible opportunity. It was also the first time I had people calling me teacher, even though more than ¾ of them are much older than me. Physical poverty but spiritual richness indeed. I witnessed the spirit of God sweeping into the room and tears of joy overflow in their hearts. They are just so simple. Everyone laughed so hard when Ian played the simplest of game with them – Simon Says. Try that in Singapore, try. I’m sure the response will be: “Ian I think we need a more mature and fun game.”

Eureka! Faith triumphs!
After the first part of the trip, we had the chance to meet up with PC and of course we had fantastic food. Ah, the hard work of missions! However, while chatting and fellowshipping, PC mentioned that he thought that I could preach without the script, it was just that I didn’t have the confidence. It was a short short comment. In fact, that’s exactly all he said and he moved on. But that one sentence got me thinking real hard. In my mind, it was like impossible! It’s mad! It’s like walking in the dark not knowing what to expect! Until then I haven’t even had a proper conversation with the locals. I remember chatting one night with some guys my age and I could not even complete my sentences without stopping for super long to think of how I can express myself. So many times I had to run into the room and ask Ian how to translate what I wanted to express. Many times during fellowship I kept quiet simply because I really didn’t know how to say what I want to say.

So, one night before the next phase of preaching, God just put it in my heart that I must take a step of faith. He reminded me that every time I did well in my spiritual life, it was when I took steps of faith. So I told Ian that I was going to preach without looking at my manuscript (just so that I cannot back out). Humanly, this meant risking long awkward silences and worse still, inability to complete my sermon. The apprehension and fear was immense. But I knew I HAD TO take that step of faith for God to bless. My confidence just needed to be from the Lord, instead of myself.

I was scheduled to preach the next morning. When I arrived there, I was immediately hit with a bolt of severe stomach cramps. I had been suffering from diarrhea for the previous 4 days because I wasn’t used to the food there. You see right, in my 23 yrs of weak stomach experience, if my stomach starts aching, it has never just stopped. I usually will end up curling up on the floor in pain, and then void of energy after going to the toilet. But when Ian prayed for me, even though I was still groaning in pain, I had full faith that God will fix it. You see, He even took into account my faithlessness when the day before, He again fixed my stomach pain when Ian and I were both outside in a place where there isn’t a proper toilet. And sure enough, our God is so good, and He stopped the cramps just as I walked out from the prayer room. Amazing! God has been using my weak stomach to show me that I am still a weak person throughout the whole trip; that I desperately needed to depend on Him to do His work. Without which, I think I would have gone up in my flesh.

As I preached, I knew something was different. Suddenly I could preach in that language! I knew exactly what I was preaching and all that I needed to say! And the best part was, lo and behold, everyone still understood what I was saying! Tell me is that supernatural or is that supernatural? At the end of it, as I was walking back down the aisle, beaming with joy, inside I was shell-shocked. Working for God at the front line is SO great. I got the front seat row because I chose to take a step of faith to trust God so that He can be glorified!

If anything, my biggest takeaway from this trip, is to take the step of faith and trust God. My friends, stop limiting God. Step into the unknown with the Lord, and you can expect tons of blessings to flow your way. Perhaps China could be your calling? Praise the Lord, the sovereign and mighty God!

いまわたしのまえに、しけんよていひょうがいます。あそこに「がんばれ」とかいてあります。しかし、しけんが憎悪から、いまかなしみです。たとえば、おなかもすきじゃないし、ストレスもたくさなりますね。なんでだよう？どうしてしけんがありますか？はい、わたしはしっている。。。がくせいのせかいはざんねんです。とくにコロンビアだいがくのがくせい。。。ざんねんですねX3。もしかしたら、みなさんは「コーさんは狂気に行っているよ」といっているかもしれません。でも、わたしはたぶんちょっと？しんぱいしなくてもいいです。。。わたしはだいじょうぶですよ。冗談を言うことです。

じつは、このポストはわたしの最後です。じゃ、しかてがありませんね。そしてらいねん、にほんごのべんきょうは不可能から、いまちょっとかにしいです。あのう、わたしはきっとにほんごクラスがおもいます。にほんのべんきょうはとてもたのしかったです。じゃ、ブログの読書をありがとう。。。

みなさん、さようなら！

きょうはSIUのWORLDCUPです。サッカーができるから、わたしたちはとてもうれしいです。WORLDCUPのチームはぜんぶでじゅうにだけ。かんこくチームやシンガポールチームなどがあります。じつは、シンガポールチームはじょうずじゃないから、きっとまけようとおもっていました。それから、シンガポールひはいけます。でも、はじめのしあいから、わたしのチームはとてもじょうずです。ほんとにすごいね。もしかしたらかつかもしれないとおもったから、「みなさんがんばってください」といいました。たぶんみなさんはそうおもいました。

しかし、TURKEYのしあいとき、だれかはわたしのあしをけった。それはひじょうにくつうだった。ですから、サッカーをしなくてもいいです。とてもざんねんです。けがをしましたから、いまあるけないとおもいます。いまうちでねたほうがいいです。もいちどざんねんですね！！